inspirations

Names, we don't often stop to think about them unless something makes them stand out to us. I never thought too much about my birth name. I liked it, was fine with it, I certainly didn't ever think of changing it. In fact whenever I met someone who had changed their name, I have to admit it made me slightly uncomfortable.

Then I lived in LA from 1993 for nine years and I got to meet quite a few Starbeams and Moonrockets! Sometimes it seemed, just to keep me on my toes, my friends changed names several times in a year! As a Londoner I watched all this with mirth, and honestly some private skepticism. Until one day it happened to me!

I was invited to go with a friend to a Native American Sweatlodge. It was in a wonderful womans' garden. Oshun was a Goddess, the first I'd met, and an invite to her house, I was to discover, was an opportunity to step into love itself. All who entered did so with an energy of respect and intentionality.
I was initiated into the powerful art of melting my fears, sweating surrender and craving cold with every fibre of my being! During that first sweat I fell in love with intensity like never before, this time the intensity was me! I'd never journeyed to such depth. I admitted my deepest fears and prayers under the cover of darkness, sung with faceless others, learnt to submit to the steam and the relentless bringing of hot stones, taking me into the chasm of being inside myself like never before.

At times as I felt rivers of sweat pooling under me on the soil, I inched my fingers secretly under the canvas seeking reassurance that a world outside of heat existed. I melted and died and dreaded and died some more, for hours till only presence remained. From then on, I went to Oshun's house any chance I could.

It was a particularly magical evening the time that my name came to me. On arrival for the lodge, we were told that we had been honored by the presence of a Peruvian shaman. He had come from his village for the first time to the West with his 'initiates', to bring messages to our world from his.

I knew that their presence brought tangible openings to the magical kingdoms. The art that one of them showed us had visions of extra-terrestrials communing in the jungles with them and devic forces of nature. I liked it a lot! The stories of my childhood fantasies were coming to life.

Deep in the sweat that night our journey began. One by one, we entered, with the silent firekeeper watching and smudgeing us with sage. I filed in, taking my seat in the tiny canvas bender and felt the excitement in me that I'd traveled so far overseas to know. Then we started to sing, to share sound and soul, knowing and heart. It's hard to imagine such darkness, we so rarely experience utter blackness. I could not even see my fingers in front of my face. Each sound someone makes tells you everything about them. All senses magnified, each breath heard, all longing witnessed, our prayers amplified by humanity shared.

In the midst of this power, into the silence, Oshun spoke words I will never forget- "and here we are, the Esssence of who we truly are".
Like a stone dropping into a pond, a sound dropped into me from within. "Lasare".

It went through all parts of me, reverberating fully into every cell, which responded in huge joy with a smile. There was no doubt in me that I had heard my name, my truth and my Essence and it felt good!!

You may wonder if I walked out of that lodge and simply told my family and friends what they had to call me henceforth. Somehow I knew I needed to grow into it before that time was to come. I left that gathering changed irrevocably, with a secret just for me, for the time being.

How I knew the right time to reveal it, I'll tell you another time, but for now I'll leave you with this. When you next hear someone's name, try saying it again. Repeat it- privately perhaps! If you say it enough and tune into your body when you do, you'll notice how fascinatingly different and revealing our sounds are. Some fit so perfectly, matching the 'vibe' of their presence perfectly and others not so much at all. Maybe you've never felt comfortable with your name? Try singing it, sounding it, seeing it as if for the first time. It could be you have not yet fully embodied the energy of your Essence, or it could just be that there is another name to come!